Do you know what's worth fighting for and not worth dying for? I'm crying when i'm writing this. I dunno what's goin on but my mind tells me that i can't forgive myself neither can i forget her. I didn't know i could let the feelings take over me but it just did. Now recall back, i wanted to die that day but something tells me that if i really try suicide I'm just neglecting my responsibilities and letting everyone down but I CAN'T MOVE ON!!! It's not desperation it's the loss of someone you really want to spend your life with. I knew she had reasons, reasons that she could'nt tell me directly and reasons that i may not understand for the rest of my life. I forced her away from me. It was all my fault just because of anger and obsession. I really want her back. I fought, i went all the way to see her, but it's just not worth dying for because if i die i may never even see her anymore. It's not about moving on or not it's the loss of the one that really matters to you for the rest of your life.

Even until now i'm still thinking so much until I've reached the point of desperation. I'm suffocating. The feeling of losing someone you really hope you can love and care for really hurts. I really can't think about this anymore. The more i think about the more negative i become. Until i realized the evil i have become it is too late.

I dared to say that people around me are innocent but at the meantime i was the fool, letting my feelings take control over me and make things so much harder to forget.

I think they are right... if you truly loves someone, you will wish for her happiness and you will let her go. I just didn't love her right.

If only there's second chance in life.

the point of no return

By doing this i know i have reached the point of no return. I've finally got her to hate me. I have no other options. I dunno why. I just want her to know that she's wrong too. But i oso know she had reached the point whereby i cannot do anything to save her out of her own thoughts. She is blinded by her love life. She's like demon possessed. I know it's not my problem anymore to care about her and the same thing goes for her as well. Whether i'm dead or dying she wouldn't care. But i just can't lie to myself that i still worry bout her. Perhaps that's how you will feel for someone when you truly loves someone.

Sorry for getting my buddies worried these few weeks. I'm recovering and perhaps things will be better in time. I know what i'm saying is kinda boring but anyway thanks buddies and grateful to my Korean friends who took care of me when i was on the verge of my psychological and mental breakdown.

Fate is what brought us together and fate is what took us apart. No i don't regret it because i've gt my tears back. I used to say i don't cry and there was a time i did not cry for a several years but now there's so many things that would make me cry. A book, a movie etc. I feel like an absolute weeper.

Perhaps it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Sometimes, somethings just don't work. If it was never meant to be it will never be. If it was it would be. ^^

It's been quite some weeks i have left LUCT. Dunno what is goin on thr? Just hope everyone are fine when i'm not around. There are certainly someone whom i really miss back there. ^^

Hmmm...working for me dad these few weeks...really stressed and weary. Bt then i had time to figure out my life. I need a fresh start. I need to forget everything even though it is hard for me. All my life i've been unlucky in everything but it's okay cuz no matter how hard times will be i will carry on and never give up.

Perhaps my life have been a little sad story in the past but i do believe that things are gonna change. Well...someday^^

最美丽的第7日

今日看完了一部戏，戏名叫“最美丽的第7日”。一部我很久以前就想看但一直没时间看的戏。

其实我想了，一段感情，要记住两个人一起时开心的事，不要去记住不开心的，就已经很完美， 很美丽了。就算分开了，都曾经有一段时间是两人笑着过的。如果懂得珍惜，那一段美好的回忆都可以永远保存。

我不能很傻地说我是一个不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有的人。我只希望她能够找到她需要的，不是她所要的。这一段回忆我会好好保存在心里。