What will you do if every time you wake up you have a hangover?

What will you do if you still see the same old faces in you dreams?

What will you do if all these won't seem to pass?

我早已将痛苦当尘埃。

爱情这东西是没的勉强的东西。一切顺其自然就好。

要知道，满足就好。人懂得满足，自然就开心。

就算曾经有二百多段“感情”那怎样？很威风吗？快乐过神仙吗?

If i love someone, i'm devoted to her. One soulmate is enough.

I'm not perfect, but it's okay.^^

I'm just a selfish and bad person. I don't deserve nothing at all.

Do you know what's worth fighting for and not worth dying for? I'm crying when i'm writing this. I dunno what's goin on but my mind tells me that i can't forgive myself neither can i forget her. I didn't know i could let the feelings take over me but it just did. Now recall back, i wanted to die that day but something tells me that if i really try suicide I'm just neglecting my responsibilities and letting everyone down but I CAN'T MOVE ON!!! It's not desperation it's the loss of someone you really want to spend your life with. I knew she had reasons, reasons that she could'nt tell me directly and reasons that i may not understand for the rest of my life. I forced her away from me. It was all my fault just because of anger and obsession. I really want her back. I fought, i went all the way to see her, but it's just not worth dying for because if i die i may never even see her anymore. It's not about moving on or not it's the loss of the one that really matters to you for the rest of your life.

Even until now i'm still thinking so much until I've reached the point of desperation. I'm suffocating. The feeling of losing someone you really hope you can love and care for really hurts. I really can't think about this anymore. The more i think about the more negative i become. Until i realized the evil i have become it is too late.

I dared to say that people around me are innocent but at the meantime i was the fool, letting my feelings take control over me and make things so much harder to forget.

I think they are right... if you truly loves someone, you will wish for her happiness and you will let her go. I just didn't love her right.

If only there's second chance in life.

the point of no return

By doing this i know i have reached the point of no return. I've finally got her to hate me. I have no other options. I dunno why. I just want her to know that she's wrong too. But i oso know she had reached the point whereby i cannot do anything to save her out of her own thoughts. She is blinded by her love life. She's like demon possessed. I know it's not my problem anymore to care about her and the same thing goes for her as well. Whether i'm dead or dying she wouldn't care. But i just can't lie to myself that i still worry bout her. Perhaps that's how you will feel for someone when you truly loves someone.

Sorry for getting my buddies worried these few weeks. I'm recovering and perhaps things will be better in time. I know what i'm saying is kinda boring but anyway thanks buddies and grateful to my Korean friends who took care of me when i was on the verge of my psychological and mental breakdown.

Fate is what brought us together and fate is what took us apart. No i don't regret it because i've gt my tears back. I used to say i don't cry and there was a time i did not cry for a several years but now there's so many things that would make me cry. A book, a movie etc. I feel like an absolute weeper.

Perhaps it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Sometimes, somethings just don't work. If it was never meant to be it will never be. If it was it would be. ^^

It's been quite some weeks i have left LUCT. Dunno what is goin on thr? Just hope everyone are fine when i'm not around. There are certainly someone whom i really miss back there. ^^

Hmmm...working for me dad these few weeks...really stressed and weary. Bt then i had time to figure out my life. I need a fresh start. I need to forget everything even though it is hard for me. All my life i've been unlucky in everything but it's okay cuz no matter how hard times will be i will carry on and never give up.

Perhaps my life have been a little sad story in the past but i do believe that things are gonna change. Well...someday^^

最美丽的第7日

今日看完了一部戏，戏名叫“最美丽的第7日”。一部我很久以前就想看但一直没时间看的戏。

其实我想了，一段感情，要记住两个人一起时开心的事，不要去记住不开心的，就已经很完美， 很美丽了。就算分开了，都曾经有一段时间是两人笑着过的。如果懂得珍惜，那一段美好的回忆都可以永远保存。

我不能很傻地说我是一个不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有的人。我只希望她能够找到她需要的，不是她所要的。这一段回忆我会好好保存在心里。

15 people who have changed my life.

Over the years, many people have changed my life and made me who I am today. Thank you all.

Mr Phang

You are the worst headmaster a school can have, you are the most syupid bio teacher a school can have. Above all, i really "admire" your outspoken attitude which makes you think you really are a godsend genius. Last but not least, you make me realise how corrupted even a school can be.

Kogilam

You are the worst Maths teacher ever. You only know how to scold and tease others. Have you forgotten what is your duty? I don't regret what i did. I'd spit in front of you now. But somehow you are a mother of 3. You really care a good deal of your children. You are the kinda mum i wish i have.

Grannie

What ever you say is always right. You were the one who took care of me when i was young and still is the one person i respect the most above all.

Dad

Even though we seldom talk i know you really care about me. You know what time it is to let me go, what time to take me back, and above all you know when you have to let me fall and pick myself up again.

Mum

You are the worse mum the world can ever have. You wouldn't listen and you wouldn't care. But still, you are the best mum i've ever had because you are my one and only. Mum, don't put too much stress on yourself, you are not superwoman, i love you.

Elizabeth

You are my longest friend and best pal ever. We know each other since 5th grade. I know i can always count on you and you'll never let me down. When i'm sad you're the first i'd talk to. You're the best pal one can ever have.

WaiNyin

You are God! What ever you say are always right. I just dunno why the things you say sometimes i find it so hard to believe but they always turn out the right thing to do. Perhaps, you are godsend. Try have some fun some time. All work and no fun is gonna make you a dull boy. Lol.

Toong Lan

You are a scumback. You are a pervert. You are a jerk. But somehow you're a bestie of mine. There are times that i hate you and there are times when i think that you are the most brilliant person on earth. Dont't loose your self confidence. That's what i admire you about. Your self confience. You are a good-looking guy and there will be someday when you meet your true love. Don't worry.^^

Jia Huei

Hahaha bro. I won't leave you out geh. After so many years, we both grow up a lot. I only wish the best for you. Sometimes, i really hope i can take things easilly like you do. Like this i will live longer. As for you and your girlfriend, hope you guys will love each other and the relationship will last forever.^^

Nicholas

Nick-hole-ass i would call you. You really are a jerk! Besides that you are the most stupid person who thinks that he is the most brilliant person on earth. You are not!! When are you gonna wake up. Don't believe in what they say cuz what they care is only money. Besides that, you are the one who gives me the most heart breaks with the words you say. I just want you to know that there are people who really care about you and they won't tell you that. Leave that bitch. She will only give you heart attacks. The best is yet to come.

Min Yi

I dunno why you like people calling you Yuriko. Isn't a stupid name after all, just make you cute and "kiddo"istic. You are adorable. Lol. We WERE the best couple and we ARE best friends forever. Hahax

Samantha

My godsister, you are a very fun person to talk to. I admire your happy-go-lucky attitude and you can always make fun out of everything. Everytime when i'm sad i'd talk to you and you'd make me a laughing bloke. The way you crack a joke is just so admirable.

Ant

Angeline, my buddy!!!^^ To be honest i feel like you are the person who would understand me the most. I don't know if i really understand you much. But yet i won't let myself trust you too much. I've learned my lesson when i trust someone too much. Dont't hide too much of your feelings inside, speak it out, let it go. It's for your own good. ^^

Lilian

Do you realise you look alot like Cassadee Pope? Lol. You are a nice person. Your warm and calm nature is always what the guys are looking for. Hahax. You take a good care of yourself yea? @@

Oh yea! Go google if you still do not know who Cassadee Pope is.

Steve

I save the last for my blood brother not because you are unimportant, but you are the most vital. Even though you are much younger than me, when i'm down you'll give me a real piece of advice. You'll light up the fire in me. You'll give me a stern warning. You'll make me pull myself up. You can beat me up real good in Need For Speed when you were only 10. Maybe someday you can be a 7 time world champ. You'll never know. ^^

How You Love Me Now

~~
Tell me how can't you sleep
How can't you breath
Baby tell me how
How you love me now
~~

感谢

已经三个星期了。哈哈。有些事情发生了，就当是我一时冲动，不要放在心里。

做人要拿得上放的下。就不要想太多。不要想无聊的东西安慰自己拉！竟然已经过去就让他把。=]

感谢所有在我悲伤时为给我安慰和支持的人。

^^

Confused

Dunno what i'm doing. I'm definitely not running away from anyone. I have decided to go few months ago... long before i met her. Its just her...made me stay. Now that she's gone...i should as well.

I was born for all this. I'm destined to go through it. After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb. That's what i've always been through all my life. One have to keep his head down and keep holding on. The best is yet to come. And when the best comes, one can keep his head held up high, and all ur ex(s) gonna want you back.Lol.

Have been thinking alot these few weeks. All my life i've been accused of this and that. And recently i've been accused a narcisist as well. Fakers and narcisist will always think they are right. They will never think of anything in another person's point of view. They will never put themselves into someone else's shoes. And if you are thinking that I am one when you are reading this you are one too. If you say no, congratulations you are a hipocrit as well. If you are thinking why am i saying this, what made me do so, you are a truly understanding person.^^

Wasn't worth it i cried. Wasnt worth it i gt drunk. Wasn't worth it i puke in front of the pool. And certainly not worth it giving my heart to someone who doesn't RESPECT a relationship.

Aussieland is not where i wanna be. A place not where my head belongs. I won't tell you where i will end up in the next few months. When there's a might there's a might not as well. You would'nt know.

A new chapter of my life.

Sorry guys i've deleted some posts recently because what i wrote was really wrong. If i don't delete later someone come find me gar. That will taunt my soul forever.

Tomorrow's my last stand at LUCT Malaysia (still gt oral presentation). Who knows where i'll go then? Maybe LUCT UK? Cuz Mr Wee said better nt go to US wo...AH1N1...and it's quite serious wo...I say die mai die lo. What will be will be. If Lord wants me to be with him i will be. But seriously let me die a hero.^^

Haha...Lilian!!! You really use my idea ah hahax! Real happy leh^^ The first time a hair designer use my idea leh hahax. Never in my life i'm so proud of myself hahax. ish~~ish~~Kiddin.

Since i know it could be my last week in LUCT, today i had my last plate of Iranian food which i really like. Tomorrow i'll have Korean food muahahahahahax!!! Strange, i usually dont like mutton but today i ate it.@@ I've just commited the biggest sin...killing a lamb. OMG

I walked around skol today cuz it could be my last trip to some of those classrooms. When i came to Room 27, the room was dark, i wanted to go inside and have a sit, and try to remember some of my memories here. Too bad the door was locked. I could only stand beside the window and look through. Those strange posters and pictures of giraffes and elephants are still there^^

Dunno if the smell of spaghetti and mashed potatoes still have anot?

I realise that i can't carry on like this. At least we could still be friends. And i messed it up again.

No matter what, life has to move on. I have to leave so i can start over again. Why people cannot understand me. Even the ones i love also cannot (mum, dad). It's time for me to start a new chapter of my life. Gone are the days i'm wild and gone are the days i'm innocent. You're a man now!! 3 more months you're 19!!! Still remeber the song i heard that day we went out. It keeps reminding me "make a wish, take a chance, make a change and breakaway".

That's all i want to say today larhx. Actually also quite no mood. Today still feel very bad and is blaming myself. I miss my family. Also hope that someday i'll have mine. Just want to go home soon. That's where i want to be. Home. Family. That's all i've ever wanted. Now i've realise*.*

^^

不想自己骗自己了。经然放不下就离开拉…………

^^